Commander Antevian's Personal Log

Commander Antevian's Personal Log is a journal Zone Lore entry found in Southern Grimvault.

Lore entry
The lady has chosen her course, and I have chosen mine. She's got to fail before she can see it's possible to fail, and I can't save her from herself. She has her Draken master-at-arms to look after her, for all the good he'll do against the kind of things she's looking for.

But then we all seek death in our own way, don't we. My brother sought enlightenment, and was willing to die for it. He's worse than dead now. In fact, Calidor's heresy will force me to destroy him someday.

I know this. I'm convinced he does too. I wish there was another way.

But then you always do, don't you Toric? Someday they're going to figure it out. I'm not special. The bravery they think I show - the tactical genius?

It's fear. Fear of failing... fear of death. I've heard it said that bravery is being afraid and forging ahead anyway, and maybe that's true. But I don't believe it. If it's anything, it's luck.

It should have been Calidor who joined the Legions. The priesthood called to me, more than it did to him. But I admit, I was always physically stronger than him. A better fighter. If not for me, the whole family would have starved. I was afraid Calidor would point out how scared I was of losing them all.

He never had that problem. Calidor was willing to do whatever was needed. I was afraid of that too. I did what was needed, but only if it fit into my code.

Well, maybe my brother was right all along. Maybe we need some kind of secret power to defeat the enemy that awaits us in the Grimvault. And that scares me more than anything else. That defeating this foe will cost me what's left of myself, and she will never return to me.

You're a selfish coward, Toric Antevian, but you can never let them know.

Datachron, erase recording.

*** COMMAND FAILURE***

ENERGY FLUCTUATIONS DETECTED. PLEASE RESTATE COMMAND.

Location
This journal can be found in the Vigilant Incursion near Toric Antevian at (2726.79 386.77).